Let's get it out of the way, it is rather obvious how this story makes it into the blog. After weeks of tracking and attempts at capture the porcine fugitive that had the run of a city and eluded capture was finally subdued.
It took a helicopter, two search dogs and four squad cars according to the AP. You know, if the crack den operators in Tampa are paying attention all they need to do to boost sagging sales figures is to release livestock into the suburbs and the authorities will be duly occupied.
Over the course of a few weeks here is what was involved in the capture: Men with lassos, animal rights freaks with nets, and residents with baited traps. The article does not say why the pig couldn't be shot and used for a really kick-ass Bar-B-Que breakfast for the posse, but the flower beds and landscaping around Ybor City are safe once again. The police lieutenant credits one of his officers for tracking the terror all night and the subsequent capture.
To the cop who cornered the vandal I'd like to say: "That'll do
Pig, that'll do."
9.4.04
Ted Turner's All-Star Game
You may be thinking, "When was Ted Turner in a movie?", and you'd be excused for missing the times he inserted himself in costume in the bloated Civil War epics he financed that nobody saw. But it was not Turner the thespian that granted the Atlanta mogul a Star on Hollywood's walk-of-fame. Judging by the octogenarian posse at his side--aqua musical queen Esther Williams, actress and dancer Betty Garrett, former child stars Margaret O'Brien and Cora Sue Collins(and no Jane Fonda curiously enough)--Ted was being feted for his efforts in the classic film arena.
Garrett summed up what Turner Classic Movies means to those from the bygone eras. This line would be utterly hilarious if it were not an attributable quote--(as it stands it is merely funny):
"It's really wonderful to see myself at 3 in the morning when I was young,".
I would like to suggest that the only way an 85 year old former dancer sees 3:00 am is when someone slips her a cake with cream frosting and the lactose has her tossing in bed. Now before you fly off half-cocked about my "ageism", or that she probably has Tivo, let me give you the take of the reporter of this piece, Sarah Tippet. She describes the actresses in attendance as "A gaggle of yesteryear's movie stars, rouged and primped yet slightly unsteady in high heels." Let me say this much--should the laws of physics and nature become defied and I actually manage to see my 85th year I hereby grant permission to anyone that they can point out my Depends undergarments and call me "Slappy".
What wasn't mentioned in the article was that as the party for Ted was breaking up he was overheard saying that he was concerned that all of the stars on the sidewalk appeared to be monochromatic and that something should be done to fix the problem.
Garrett summed up what Turner Classic Movies means to those from the bygone eras. This line would be utterly hilarious if it were not an attributable quote--(as it stands it is merely funny):
"It's really wonderful to see myself at 3 in the morning when I was young,".
I would like to suggest that the only way an 85 year old former dancer sees 3:00 am is when someone slips her a cake with cream frosting and the lactose has her tossing in bed. Now before you fly off half-cocked about my "ageism", or that she probably has Tivo, let me give you the take of the reporter of this piece, Sarah Tippet. She describes the actresses in attendance as "A gaggle of yesteryear's movie stars, rouged and primped yet slightly unsteady in high heels." Let me say this much--should the laws of physics and nature become defied and I actually manage to see my 85th year I hereby grant permission to anyone that they can point out my Depends undergarments and call me "Slappy".
What wasn't mentioned in the article was that as the party for Ted was breaking up he was overheard saying that he was concerned that all of the stars on the sidewalk appeared to be monochromatic and that something should be done to fix the problem.
7.4.04
Treatment Engine Pt.1
A semi-irregular assessment of proof that there are new ideas in Hollywood based on some of the scripts recently purchased in Dreantown, USA.
Goodbye to Romance--Based on an article from Arena magazine about Russian mail-order brides. If the title does not clue you in to an absence of delicate emotions this script has been flagged to be produced by the mind behind, "Road Trip", "Old School" and "Starsky and Hutch", Todd Phillips.
Honeymoon from Hell--Don't expect any lurid bacchanalia in Hades here, rather it sounds more like a "3's Company" script gone feature. Bride and groom call off their wedding and each independently decide to go on the honeymoon, she with a bridesmaid, he with the best man. It doesn't really say, but I'm guessing hilarity ensues!
(Untitled)--Michael Kalesniko is set to write this comedy about an American experiencing the cultural differences in London. Prospects are questionable because of this line: "Based on an idea by Keanu Reeves."
Spy Hunter--Set to ride with The Rock/Duane Johnson behind the wheel as he attempts to stretch himself as an action star. The story, based on the 80's video game of same name, was rewritten, ostensibly because character and plot made things murky.
The Bird--Each year the President of These States pardons the execution of a turkey in honor of Thanksgiving. This will be a comedy focusing on a hapless White House staffer who has to deal with wrangling the turkey for this ceremony. I'd say the audience potential is limited given the tens of millions of Americans who ignore the Presidential example and devour turkey on Thursday.
Cordless--Writer Oren Moverman is setting himself up to be the next Joe Esterhas. It is left to find out if this is intentional or not. In what is sounding like a very "Sliver"-like story this film centers on voyeurism in a building with unattractive males in the lead roles. Instead of Billy Baldwin we are promised Malcom McDowell, Steve Buscemi, and Fisher Stevens.
Goodbye to Romance--Based on an article from Arena magazine about Russian mail-order brides. If the title does not clue you in to an absence of delicate emotions this script has been flagged to be produced by the mind behind, "Road Trip", "Old School" and "Starsky and Hutch", Todd Phillips.
Honeymoon from Hell--Don't expect any lurid bacchanalia in Hades here, rather it sounds more like a "3's Company" script gone feature. Bride and groom call off their wedding and each independently decide to go on the honeymoon, she with a bridesmaid, he with the best man. It doesn't really say, but I'm guessing hilarity ensues!
(Untitled)--Michael Kalesniko is set to write this comedy about an American experiencing the cultural differences in London. Prospects are questionable because of this line: "Based on an idea by Keanu Reeves."
Spy Hunter--Set to ride with The Rock/Duane Johnson behind the wheel as he attempts to stretch himself as an action star. The story, based on the 80's video game of same name, was rewritten, ostensibly because character and plot made things murky.
The Bird--Each year the President of These States pardons the execution of a turkey in honor of Thanksgiving. This will be a comedy focusing on a hapless White House staffer who has to deal with wrangling the turkey for this ceremony. I'd say the audience potential is limited given the tens of millions of Americans who ignore the Presidential example and devour turkey on Thursday.
Cordless--Writer Oren Moverman is setting himself up to be the next Joe Esterhas. It is left to find out if this is intentional or not. In what is sounding like a very "Sliver"-like story this film centers on voyeurism in a building with unattractive males in the lead roles. Instead of Billy Baldwin we are promised Malcom McDowell, Steve Buscemi, and Fisher Stevens.
The Cobain is Bearable
(Written previous but delayed for reasons even rock couldn't solve)
April 5, 10 years ago, a generation was brought to its knees. At least that's what I had been told repeatedly by the media at the time, though I myself felt no such wobble in the joints. How strange indeed to be lectured that a seminal event was taking place around me, and not only was I not connected with the shockwave but I had the very palpable feeling that those in the media foisting these emotions on me were in fact full of crap.
Curt Cobain, volatile lead singer of Nirvana and questionable bride selector killed himself on this date and I was repeatedly told to care.
But I couldn't. Self-destruction has never been something I have been inclined to sactify into martyrdom. When someone is standing on the accelerator on a dead-end street all you can do is pull the kids in to safety and not look at the explosion. This mourning-cum-apathy within me has nothing to do with my opinion of the band.
My introduction to the magic of the album "Nevermind" predated that of most people. At the time I was in a house with 4 other guys, the cheap rent tempering the fact that most of us couldn't stand each other. One roommate was a notable jackass but he was something of an alt-music savant who always kept us in good music and on the cutting edge. He often managed to bring home a disc that later would end up exploding on one scale or another. We all had fallen for "Nevermind" long months before a note ever appeared on radio. In fact, when "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was only becoming referred to as an Anthem we had in fact become tired of the album. We all gravitated to that disc, stealing it out of each other's players or blasting it in the house at any and all hours. It never occurred to us that it would become the musical mushroom cloud of the decade, although it should have tipped us off that 5 guys with differing tastes all loved the same album. (A similar event took place with "gish", as I had that entire album memorized before Smashing Pumpkins became an MTV Cribs name.)
Nirvana's mega-popularity was difficult for the masses to quantify, hence the term grunge was created, although its definition came to mean any band from Seattle or which adorned itself in tattered flannel fashions. They did not fit into the pigeon-hole of "Punk", largely due to the fact that punk was a Ramones-fueled English rebellion against the musical establishment of disco and the like. As much as I enjoyed Nirvana's stuff I had a hard time elevating their work in terms of importance with the likes of The Sex Pistols or The Clash--for one thing they were too damned melodic. Look at the effects. Those bands inspired countless acts in their wake, leading to numerous offshoots such as new wave, progressive, industrial, and others. Nirvanas's legacy instead is a wave of bands immitating them, and as a result the alt-rock scene has become a homogenized, and now marginalized, musical niche buried by hip-hop and teen queens.
It is doubtful we will ever see a poetic union like Joe Strummer performing on the "Sid and Nancy" soundtrack involving a Cobain feature, should it dare be made. It has to be saddening however to think that Strummer's recent passing, as well as those of Joey and Dee Dee Ramone, failed to provoke the kind of outpouring Cobain's demise invoked. Our local rock station played nothing but Nirvana for entire day. I remember news shots from Seattle on the day Cobain threw his mortal coil down the toilet, with the crowds gathering, and wondered how much of that was heartfelt and how much was a desire to be on the scene and possibly be seen on MTV News. And I think I know why I harbor such dubious emotions.
To get a true handle on the way this revolution was compromised you should see the documentary "Hype!" which covers the popularity of the grunge scene from the vantage of Seattle. More than a catalogue of events from the Pacific Northwest music system it is an indictment of the media treatment of what was taking place in that area.
Right around the time "Nevermind" was cresting its popularity I read an article in SPIN magazine where the writer was on tour with the band as they blazed through Europe. On the tour bus the writer heard curious music being played and asked the frontman about it. Curt waxed poetic, saying lauditory things about the band they were listening to and explaining how they listen to their albums all the time. That band that held such sway with the "Voice of a Generation"? It was ABBA. Freaking ABBA! I don't know about the rest of you, but I myself expect a little more from my figurehead than kicking back and listening to Swedish club icons. C'mon--how can this guy lay claim as the vox populi of Gen-X when a major influence on himself was the Nordic yelpers of "Fernando" infamy.
April 5, 10 years ago, a generation was brought to its knees. At least that's what I had been told repeatedly by the media at the time, though I myself felt no such wobble in the joints. How strange indeed to be lectured that a seminal event was taking place around me, and not only was I not connected with the shockwave but I had the very palpable feeling that those in the media foisting these emotions on me were in fact full of crap.
Curt Cobain, volatile lead singer of Nirvana and questionable bride selector killed himself on this date and I was repeatedly told to care.
But I couldn't. Self-destruction has never been something I have been inclined to sactify into martyrdom. When someone is standing on the accelerator on a dead-end street all you can do is pull the kids in to safety and not look at the explosion. This mourning-cum-apathy within me has nothing to do with my opinion of the band.
My introduction to the magic of the album "Nevermind" predated that of most people. At the time I was in a house with 4 other guys, the cheap rent tempering the fact that most of us couldn't stand each other. One roommate was a notable jackass but he was something of an alt-music savant who always kept us in good music and on the cutting edge. He often managed to bring home a disc that later would end up exploding on one scale or another. We all had fallen for "Nevermind" long months before a note ever appeared on radio. In fact, when "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was only becoming referred to as an Anthem we had in fact become tired of the album. We all gravitated to that disc, stealing it out of each other's players or blasting it in the house at any and all hours. It never occurred to us that it would become the musical mushroom cloud of the decade, although it should have tipped us off that 5 guys with differing tastes all loved the same album. (A similar event took place with "gish", as I had that entire album memorized before Smashing Pumpkins became an MTV Cribs name.)
Nirvana's mega-popularity was difficult for the masses to quantify, hence the term grunge was created, although its definition came to mean any band from Seattle or which adorned itself in tattered flannel fashions. They did not fit into the pigeon-hole of "Punk", largely due to the fact that punk was a Ramones-fueled English rebellion against the musical establishment of disco and the like. As much as I enjoyed Nirvana's stuff I had a hard time elevating their work in terms of importance with the likes of The Sex Pistols or The Clash--for one thing they were too damned melodic. Look at the effects. Those bands inspired countless acts in their wake, leading to numerous offshoots such as new wave, progressive, industrial, and others. Nirvanas's legacy instead is a wave of bands immitating them, and as a result the alt-rock scene has become a homogenized, and now marginalized, musical niche buried by hip-hop and teen queens.
It is doubtful we will ever see a poetic union like Joe Strummer performing on the "Sid and Nancy" soundtrack involving a Cobain feature, should it dare be made. It has to be saddening however to think that Strummer's recent passing, as well as those of Joey and Dee Dee Ramone, failed to provoke the kind of outpouring Cobain's demise invoked. Our local rock station played nothing but Nirvana for entire day. I remember news shots from Seattle on the day Cobain threw his mortal coil down the toilet, with the crowds gathering, and wondered how much of that was heartfelt and how much was a desire to be on the scene and possibly be seen on MTV News. And I think I know why I harbor such dubious emotions.
To get a true handle on the way this revolution was compromised you should see the documentary "Hype!" which covers the popularity of the grunge scene from the vantage of Seattle. More than a catalogue of events from the Pacific Northwest music system it is an indictment of the media treatment of what was taking place in that area.
Right around the time "Nevermind" was cresting its popularity I read an article in SPIN magazine where the writer was on tour with the band as they blazed through Europe. On the tour bus the writer heard curious music being played and asked the frontman about it. Curt waxed poetic, saying lauditory things about the band they were listening to and explaining how they listen to their albums all the time. That band that held such sway with the "Voice of a Generation"? It was ABBA. Freaking ABBA! I don't know about the rest of you, but I myself expect a little more from my figurehead than kicking back and listening to Swedish club icons. C'mon--how can this guy lay claim as the vox populi of Gen-X when a major influence on himself was the Nordic yelpers of "Fernando" infamy.
6.4.04
I'm Doing This, Because It Is Crucial to the Story
I'm only confused about one detail concerning this movie, and that is they are probably going to describe it as "a period costume drama."
5.4.04
Get In Touch With Your Inner Dude--Just Don't Micturate on the Carpet
This is why comedians hate to follow a good routine. The Coen Brothers--scribes of this blog's titular line--had one of their biggest hits with "Fargo", and years later they followed it with their most successful film, "O Brother Where Art Thou?". But nestled between the release of these two titles is a curiosity.
"The Big Lebowski" featured Jeff Bridges taking on the character traits of film festival fixture Jeff Dowd, a key figure in the career launch of Joel and Ethan. Unlike the love it/hate it response most divisive films create this one either touched individuals personally or had them scratching their head.
Well for those with an appreciation for bowling and area rugs you should tramp over to Louisville Kentucky for the 3rd Annual Lebowski Fest, running June 18-20. Mix up a batch of white russians (made with half&half) and drive the mobile over for 3 days of Dudeness.
"The Big Lebowski" featured Jeff Bridges taking on the character traits of film festival fixture Jeff Dowd, a key figure in the career launch of Joel and Ethan. Unlike the love it/hate it response most divisive films create this one either touched individuals personally or had them scratching their head.
Well for those with an appreciation for bowling and area rugs you should tramp over to Louisville Kentucky for the 3rd Annual Lebowski Fest, running June 18-20. Mix up a batch of white russians (made with half&half) and drive the mobile over for 3 days of Dudeness.
3.4.04
From Bambino to Bartman: Do these Guys Warrant a Movie?
Last year's baseball playoff round was a tale of two cities, except there was no contrast with which to juxtapose the towns, no "Best of/Worst of"--it was simply worse on both counts. The antics of Cub fan Steve Bartman and the subsequent meltdown of the baby bears overshadowed the fact that the BoSox also were busy at what they do best. While hardball purists were hoping for a pairing of the losers in the finale and a cathertic release in one of the cities, as expected both clubs tanked in the approach.
That is why I am surprised to hear that a documentary is on the horizon that details the 2003 season of the Boston Red Sox. As if Beantown residents haven't suffered enough there will now be a feature that painfully details the travails of their beloved failures over the decades. I don't get it, I mean, they lost! The Florida Marlins took the flag and all they were able to rank was to become the namesake of a clownfish.
As if this film won't cause enough heartache among the rougue hose set here's one additional dig: The doc will be made by ThinkFilm, a New York based production company.
That is why I am surprised to hear that a documentary is on the horizon that details the 2003 season of the Boston Red Sox. As if Beantown residents haven't suffered enough there will now be a feature that painfully details the travails of their beloved failures over the decades. I don't get it, I mean, they lost! The Florida Marlins took the flag and all they were able to rank was to become the namesake of a clownfish.
As if this film won't cause enough heartache among the rougue hose set here's one additional dig: The doc will be made by ThinkFilm, a New York based production company.
2.4.04
Making You My Baby
There really was only one thing that could come to mind with this story(may have to register). A Chicago area man on Monday commited a car jacking and happened to also come away with an additional parcel. The car's owner left the engine running as he darted into a store to run an errand. He also left his 11 month old strapped in the car seat.
Desperate calls were made to the cell phone, which had also been left in the car, at which point Nate Davis, who was tooling around with friends, proceeded to demand $10,000 for the return of the child.
When the not too clever felon was quickly caught with the child it was found in good condition
In court the unstable Davis referred to his kidnapping as a "Five finger discount", but clearly he had his hands full, while not dealing with a full deck. Eventually the family was reunited, a happy ending for all. I'm not sure why this story raises so many memories.
Desperate calls were made to the cell phone, which had also been left in the car, at which point Nate Davis, who was tooling around with friends, proceeded to demand $10,000 for the return of the child.
When the not too clever felon was quickly caught with the child it was found in good condition
In court the unstable Davis referred to his kidnapping as a "Five finger discount", but clearly he had his hands full, while not dealing with a full deck. Eventually the family was reunited, a happy ending for all. I'm not sure why this story raises so many memories.
1.4.04
"Peking, We Have a Problem"
All the world was a titter when it was discovered China sent a manned space vehicle into orbit. Well a couple of people noticed, at least. However red flags, if not red lanterns, went off in China when their astronaut Yang Liwei announced that the long held belief that The Great Wall of China could be viewed from outerspace was bunkum. He never saw it, and the citizens were crestfallen.
But now the Mainland patriotism has become reinvigorated by American supernal traveler Gene Cernan who has backed up the long held belief by stating that he has seen The Wall from orbit. Cernan, the last man to actually walk on the moon--before Jim Carey--brings curious thoughts for the billion or so Chinese. Their own 'naught missed the landmark and now they have to rely on an American to reinstitute national pride. They haven't felt this kind of ambivalence since a skirt successfully fought back the Huns.
But now the Mainland patriotism has become reinvigorated by American supernal traveler Gene Cernan who has backed up the long held belief by stating that he has seen The Wall from orbit. Cernan, the last man to actually walk on the moon--before Jim Carey--brings curious thoughts for the billion or so Chinese. Their own 'naught missed the landmark and now they have to rely on an American to reinstitute national pride. They haven't felt this kind of ambivalence since a skirt successfully fought back the Huns.
31.3.04
If He Gets Arrested in Hollywood He Has a Career Again
The career descent of Jason Patric is a bit puzzling. The actor, recently picked up for a drunken/disorderly charge in Austin, had everything in place to be a Hollywood fixture, and yet he has failed to actually become embedded into popularity, having to settle with nibbling around the fringe with lesser, but solid efforts.
Jason lept into the scene with a dream role as a hunkthrob of a vampire in "The Lost Boys", even upstaging Keifer's mullet in the hearts of teen girls. He followed that with respectable work in "Rush".
What may have sunk his rise was his attempt at action star in "Speed 2" a film that has to be regarded as nothing less than disaster. While Sandy went on to better things it took 5 years for anyone to think of touching Patric with a decent role, but he did good work with Ray Liotta in "Narc"
The good news for Jason is that his arrest is a sign that Hollywood may be giving him a real break. His arrest comes just days before the opening of "The Alamo", in which he co-stars. Studios wouldn't trust a nobody to go ahead with incarceration for the sake of publicity of a film. Jason, you may have finally made it.
Jason lept into the scene with a dream role as a hunkthrob of a vampire in "The Lost Boys", even upstaging Keifer's mullet in the hearts of teen girls. He followed that with respectable work in "Rush".
What may have sunk his rise was his attempt at action star in "Speed 2" a film that has to be regarded as nothing less than disaster. While Sandy went on to better things it took 5 years for anyone to think of touching Patric with a decent role, but he did good work with Ray Liotta in "Narc"
The good news for Jason is that his arrest is a sign that Hollywood may be giving him a real break. His arrest comes just days before the opening of "The Alamo", in which he co-stars. Studios wouldn't trust a nobody to go ahead with incarceration for the sake of publicity of a film. Jason, you may have finally made it.
30.3.04
Jack of One Trade Steps Down
The big news over the weekend was not all that surprising, as the question had always been "When", not "If". Sitting President of the Motion Picture Association of America, and lately sitting duck for critics, Jack Valenti is said to be retiring in a matter of months.
He has been credited with some major innovations--notably his creation of the film ratings system that is still in use today. Of course he will probably be more reknown for his other decisions, his screener tape ban involving this year's Oscar ceremony being one for instance. The controversey was widespread enough that Valenti did a unique turn at the Independant Spirit Awards, coming on stage to handcuff host John Waters after John announced that he had misplaced his screeners.
The MPAA is a collective of major studios--Paramount Pictures, Sony Entertainment, Warner Bros, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, Universal Studios Inc, Walt Disney Co. and 20th Century Fox. (Look over those names again, consider the collective billions they are worth, and try to figure out how the MPAA web address can have the non-profit ".org" suffix.) Valenti repping for business owners essentially makes him something of a commissioner--a point man to absorb the slings directed at self-interests. Such as his position, Valenti's controverseys over recent years had relegated him as little more than the Bud Selig of Filmdom. The question now circulating Burbank is who will his successor be?
I'll tell you who I'll throw my microscopic weight behind. Actor Joe Pantoliano who--according to wonkette-- is interested in replacing Jack Valenti: "Tell ’em to give me a call — my career is in the toilet anyway." All right, so maybe "The Handler" isn't scorching Neilson boxes, but I think he'll be fine. I just caught him doing good work in the independant "Second Best" at Sundance. I have to like the idea of Joey Pants running the show. Maybe when things heat up, heads'll roll.
He has been credited with some major innovations--notably his creation of the film ratings system that is still in use today. Of course he will probably be more reknown for his other decisions, his screener tape ban involving this year's Oscar ceremony being one for instance. The controversey was widespread enough that Valenti did a unique turn at the Independant Spirit Awards, coming on stage to handcuff host John Waters after John announced that he had misplaced his screeners.
The MPAA is a collective of major studios--Paramount Pictures, Sony Entertainment, Warner Bros, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, Universal Studios Inc, Walt Disney Co. and 20th Century Fox. (Look over those names again, consider the collective billions they are worth, and try to figure out how the MPAA web address can have the non-profit ".org" suffix.) Valenti repping for business owners essentially makes him something of a commissioner--a point man to absorb the slings directed at self-interests. Such as his position, Valenti's controverseys over recent years had relegated him as little more than the Bud Selig of Filmdom. The question now circulating Burbank is who will his successor be?
I'll tell you who I'll throw my microscopic weight behind. Actor Joe Pantoliano who--according to wonkette-- is interested in replacing Jack Valenti: "Tell ’em to give me a call — my career is in the toilet anyway." All right, so maybe "The Handler" isn't scorching Neilson boxes, but I think he'll be fine. I just caught him doing good work in the independant "Second Best" at Sundance. I have to like the idea of Joey Pants running the show. Maybe when things heat up, heads'll roll.
29.3.04
The Front Runner for the Bitchy Award
Rolling Stone cover boy Ben Affleck has had an uncomfortable March. Still a hot button subject concerning his split with Jenny From the Block he has been a fixture on PR circuit, flogging his new film "Jersey Girl", even stooping to share a set with Regis for a day.
Part of that tour included a stop with Larry King last week, and things got out of Benjamin's control. He started by repeating a gripe that he had been stiffed out of his Razzie for his work in "Gigli" from the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation, but was then surprised to learn that organizers from that governing body had provided King with his trophy. Ben however was nonplussed and called the award "cheap looking", leaving behind following the taping.
Well his dis can be your gain, as the Razzie group reclaimed the trophy and has it up for auction. Happy bidding.
Part of that tour included a stop with Larry King last week, and things got out of Benjamin's control. He started by repeating a gripe that he had been stiffed out of his Razzie for his work in "Gigli" from the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation, but was then surprised to learn that organizers from that governing body had provided King with his trophy. Ben however was nonplussed and called the award "cheap looking", leaving behind following the taping.
Well his dis can be your gain, as the Razzie group reclaimed the trophy and has it up for auction. Happy bidding.
28.3.04
A Role Too Challenging for Vin Diesel
< "Someone convice Adam Sandler to take the part!"
< "Does his agent still get 10%?"
It is the kind of story that causes the purile responses to pile up. A British acting troupe has put the call out to cast an actor in a key role in an upcoming play. The stipulation: "Aspiring stars must agree to be dead by the time the show begins." You read that correctly, they are casting the role of a dead person to be played by a dead person. The play, seemingly titled by Yoda, is called "Dead: You Will Be" and calls for a corpse to be onstage for performances.
< "Hey, Costner got his start playing a corpse, and it was his best role to date."
< "As an added bonus the performer will be featured during the "In Memorium" segment at next year's Oscars."
(See what I mean?)
One of the directors noted that the body will play a crucial role and is not a publicity stunt, (perish the thought [pun intended]). The qualifying thespian will appear on stage for 24 performances of the stage play. My advice to prospective patrons is to get to any of the early shows, as the actor is likely to emote more with each performance...or at least emit.
< "Keanu Reeves will not be a cast member--he has already been out-acted by a dead body"
Mercifully the trenchant commentary will end now.
< "Does his agent still get 10%?"
It is the kind of story that causes the purile responses to pile up. A British acting troupe has put the call out to cast an actor in a key role in an upcoming play. The stipulation: "Aspiring stars must agree to be dead by the time the show begins." You read that correctly, they are casting the role of a dead person to be played by a dead person. The play, seemingly titled by Yoda, is called "Dead: You Will Be" and calls for a corpse to be onstage for performances.
< "Hey, Costner got his start playing a corpse, and it was his best role to date."
< "As an added bonus the performer will be featured during the "In Memorium" segment at next year's Oscars."
(See what I mean?)
One of the directors noted that the body will play a crucial role and is not a publicity stunt, (perish the thought [pun intended]). The qualifying thespian will appear on stage for 24 performances of the stage play. My advice to prospective patrons is to get to any of the early shows, as the actor is likely to emote more with each performance...or at least emit.
< "Keanu Reeves will not be a cast member--he has already been out-acted by a dead body"
Mercifully the trenchant commentary will end now.
27.3.04
Critic!
Former New York City Mayor Ed Koch is well known for primarily being the Former Mayor of NYC. He has nestled into that niche of stardom where an individual acheives fame merely by becoming a version of themself. Societal parasite Paris Hilton and meltdown artist Courtney Love are examples from this catagory. Koch's sub-fame springs from his self-created PR, starting with the release of his autobiography while serving as mayor. Since then he has done much to inject himself in the public eye, evidenced by the amount of times he plays himself on camera. The effort also involves a line of tepid mystery novels, and an ill-fated turn as a syndicated magistrate.
One other "job" that Eddie-K has taken on is as weekly film reviewer for the web site of the New York City Mayor's office of Film, Theater, and Broadcasting (That's a letterhead that'll cost you at Kinkos.) Koch lends his unique ability to sound like the everyman when reviewing his film choices. Here's a series of excerpted insights:
* On the Irish film "Intermission"--It would help tremendously if the producers of Irish and English films provided subtitles.
* It would be tedious to describe the twists and turns of the plot. This from his review of the intellectually complex "Starsky & Hutch"
* With the poorly received "Secret Window" Koch takes a bold stand. Let’s teach Depp that he cannot dismiss us as cretins willing to accept any movie in which he appears.
* "Robot Stories", a collection of tales involving Asian-Americans provoked this discovery: The actors are overwhelmingly Japanese
* On his viewing of "The Passion of the Christ" Eddie gives some historical background, mentioning the Second Vatican Counsil and referring to it as Vatican II, like it is a sequel.
* The important aspects of a movie get discussed in his review of "Girl with the Pearl Earring": I saw the film at the Landmark Sunshine Theater on East Houston Street where I always enjoy going. I especially appreciate its stadium seating that provides unobstructed sight lines
My favorite however has to be his take on "The Lord of Rings: The Return of the King". After a synopsis he never really says if it is good or bad, but it has a "negative" sign after the title, (his version of "Thumbs Down") and I can only guess it is because his knees were hurting during the long movie. And he dutifully frames his position by referencing his review of one of Broadway's biggest plays in the last decade or two--When I saw the Broadway show, "The Producers" in previews, I predicted that it wouldn't last two weeks so don't let my review of this film stop you from going
Judging by his critiques I would hazard a guess that many people have been doing just what he suggests.
One other "job" that Eddie-K has taken on is as weekly film reviewer for the web site of the New York City Mayor's office of Film, Theater, and Broadcasting (That's a letterhead that'll cost you at Kinkos.) Koch lends his unique ability to sound like the everyman when reviewing his film choices. Here's a series of excerpted insights:
* On the Irish film "Intermission"--It would help tremendously if the producers of Irish and English films provided subtitles.
* It would be tedious to describe the twists and turns of the plot. This from his review of the intellectually complex "Starsky & Hutch"
* With the poorly received "Secret Window" Koch takes a bold stand. Let’s teach Depp that he cannot dismiss us as cretins willing to accept any movie in which he appears.
* "Robot Stories", a collection of tales involving Asian-Americans provoked this discovery: The actors are overwhelmingly Japanese
* On his viewing of "The Passion of the Christ" Eddie gives some historical background, mentioning the Second Vatican Counsil and referring to it as Vatican II, like it is a sequel.
* The important aspects of a movie get discussed in his review of "Girl with the Pearl Earring": I saw the film at the Landmark Sunshine Theater on East Houston Street where I always enjoy going. I especially appreciate its stadium seating that provides unobstructed sight lines
My favorite however has to be his take on "The Lord of Rings: The Return of the King". After a synopsis he never really says if it is good or bad, but it has a "negative" sign after the title, (his version of "Thumbs Down") and I can only guess it is because his knees were hurting during the long movie. And he dutifully frames his position by referencing his review of one of Broadway's biggest plays in the last decade or two--When I saw the Broadway show, "The Producers" in previews, I predicted that it wouldn't last two weeks so don't let my review of this film stop you from going
Judging by his critiques I would hazard a guess that many people have been doing just what he suggests.
24.3.04
Movies are Too Violent, I'm Going to a Hockey Game
No wonder Netflix is doing such booming business. First I get word that "The Passion of the Christ" has claimed another victim, this time a priest in Brazil dumped his mortal coil during a screening of Mel's film. (Just out of curiosity, how come we never had news stories about babies being born in a theater during a showing of, say, "The Devil's Advocate"?)
Next I see a man got himself pummeled because he had the temerity to ask another patron to shut the hell up during a screening. After politely asking for silence the offender, a 38 year old man, began to act like a juvenile and the two squared off, with the 51 year old offendee getting roughed up and tossed down the steps. The best part? This took place during a showing of "The Triplets of Belleville".
It is not difficult to guess what transpired here. The trog probably wanted to stay home and watch Smackdown or maybe Fear Factor, but his woman badgered him to take her to a movie. She managed to dupe him by saying it was animated, ("It's a cartoon, honey") and then he found himself sitting a dark box watching a mostly dialogue-free art house movie based on a series of obscure French inspirations. It probably took no more than 10 minutes of feelings of inadequecy before he would start acting like a Ritilin-deprived adolescent.
Everything will be OK in his universe, as there is a perfectly mindless and violent release on his horizon. And it stars a wrestler!
Next I see a man got himself pummeled because he had the temerity to ask another patron to shut the hell up during a screening. After politely asking for silence the offender, a 38 year old man, began to act like a juvenile and the two squared off, with the 51 year old offendee getting roughed up and tossed down the steps. The best part? This took place during a showing of "The Triplets of Belleville".
It is not difficult to guess what transpired here. The trog probably wanted to stay home and watch Smackdown or maybe Fear Factor, but his woman badgered him to take her to a movie. She managed to dupe him by saying it was animated, ("It's a cartoon, honey") and then he found himself sitting a dark box watching a mostly dialogue-free art house movie based on a series of obscure French inspirations. It probably took no more than 10 minutes of feelings of inadequecy before he would start acting like a Ritilin-deprived adolescent.
Everything will be OK in his universe, as there is a perfectly mindless and violent release on his horizon. And it stars a wrestler!
23.3.04
The Term is Confluence
Sometimes the most subtle things come together and might be bypassed if you do not pay attention. During a day dedicated to leisure activities I obtained an impressive and well constructed Rocky Patell Vintage 1990 box-pressed pyramid, and at my favorite clothier I drooled for an hour at the new movie line of clothes before settling on a beautiful martini glass.
So I have the Patell fired up and sipping on a Fris Lime Martini when I scroll over to the Florida Film Festival page to get the results of their recent event. The audience award winner turns out to be "Happy Hour", starring Anthony LaPaglia and Eric Stoltz. We featured it in our own Fest a few months back and it was one I liked for personal reasons.
Was it ironic that I'm sipping a see-through while reading about a film that was about a failed writer with a drinking problem? Not at all. We are not at all alike--I do not have a drinking problem.
So I have the Patell fired up and sipping on a Fris Lime Martini when I scroll over to the Florida Film Festival page to get the results of their recent event. The audience award winner turns out to be "Happy Hour", starring Anthony LaPaglia and Eric Stoltz. We featured it in our own Fest a few months back and it was one I liked for personal reasons.
Was it ironic that I'm sipping a see-through while reading about a film that was about a failed writer with a drinking problem? Not at all. We are not at all alike--I do not have a drinking problem.
22.3.04
Cingular Sensations in Dialing for Lotharios
Just wait until this gets out. Cell phones will become even more of a scourge. A new service is available where lonely but chatty hearts can meet their cell mate...on the phone! Called Serendipity, it was dreamt up by the romantics at M.I.T. , a crowd probably familiar with text massaging and the like, and it speaks volumes that they would name it after a hilariously implausible romantic comedy.
The way Serendipity works is a phone owner plugs their personal information into their phone ( I love the outdoors roaming, long distance on the beach, dining out at restaurants with strong signals) and while they are talking loudly in stores their phone broadcasts this information. When they are close to someone with enough of the same traits the phones will act as matchmaker, and the two can develop a meaningful relationship of ignoring each other while talking to others. Any day now the new pickup line will be sending pertinent ring tones to the girl across the bar. (I'll send her Aguillera's "Beautiful", that should get her to text me back!")
The British meanwhile have taken this to the bawdy extreme. Rather than romantic connections they have communities dedicated to "Toothing", which is anonymous sex with complete unknowns. Like Serendipity, their phones or PDA is enhanced with Bluetooth technology. When you locate another in your range you ask, "Toothing?", and see if they respond. A favorable response will lead to a text liaison while toiling at your usual task. It is said commuter trains are among the most popular place to engage in toothing...as if you needed another reason to slide away from that person closest to you on your workday ride. Makes me wonder if sexual harassment charges will see an increase due to cubicle drones who get worked up on the way in to the office. Just like Serendipity, I think Toothing missed a real opportunity at giving this service a much more appropriate moniker.
The way Serendipity works is a phone owner plugs their personal information into their phone ( I love the outdoors roaming, long distance on the beach, dining out at restaurants with strong signals) and while they are talking loudly in stores their phone broadcasts this information. When they are close to someone with enough of the same traits the phones will act as matchmaker, and the two can develop a meaningful relationship of ignoring each other while talking to others. Any day now the new pickup line will be sending pertinent ring tones to the girl across the bar. (I'll send her Aguillera's "Beautiful", that should get her to text me back!")
The British meanwhile have taken this to the bawdy extreme. Rather than romantic connections they have communities dedicated to "Toothing", which is anonymous sex with complete unknowns. Like Serendipity, their phones or PDA is enhanced with Bluetooth technology. When you locate another in your range you ask, "Toothing?", and see if they respond. A favorable response will lead to a text liaison while toiling at your usual task. It is said commuter trains are among the most popular place to engage in toothing...as if you needed another reason to slide away from that person closest to you on your workday ride. Makes me wonder if sexual harassment charges will see an increase due to cubicle drones who get worked up on the way in to the office. Just like Serendipity, I think Toothing missed a real opportunity at giving this service a much more appropriate moniker.
20.3.04
What Might Freud Say?
Word spy had among their recent entries this new term: Tunnel Advertising. At first I was confused, because I saw this Daniel Baldwin-directed mess a couple of years ago, but it turns out to be something else entirely.
T & A is actually a proposed method of endorsing that involves a long series of images emblazoned on the interior of a train tunnel to give the effect of motion images to riders. This would be Burma Shave advertising for the new millenium. ( I enjoy the bitchy comment where the host moans that no surface is safe from advertising "pestilence", as if the pristine, dark, and unseen tunnel walls are going to be missed.) Essentially it is a modern version of the zoetrope a primitive form of visual entertainment, from the days before Tivo.
The possibilities of this are intriguing in that if studios put enough money behind it they could actually show trailers inside tunnels. Water cooler talk will reignite with discourse like, "Did you see the new "Hellboy" trailer on the way in to work this morning?"
T & A is actually a proposed method of endorsing that involves a long series of images emblazoned on the interior of a train tunnel to give the effect of motion images to riders. This would be Burma Shave advertising for the new millenium. ( I enjoy the bitchy comment where the host moans that no surface is safe from advertising "pestilence", as if the pristine, dark, and unseen tunnel walls are going to be missed.) Essentially it is a modern version of the zoetrope a primitive form of visual entertainment, from the days before Tivo.
The possibilities of this are intriguing in that if studios put enough money behind it they could actually show trailers inside tunnels. Water cooler talk will reignite with discourse like, "Did you see the new "Hellboy" trailer on the way in to work this morning?"
18.3.04
And God Stole My Idea As Well
The attempt of a French children's author to sue Disney for plagerism is now circling the bowl. Franck LeCalvez had Claimed that Pixar Studio's "Finding Nemo" too closely resembled his character in a French children's book series, Pierrot le Poisson Clown. LeCalvez suggested that the resemblance of the characters and some parallels in the story were evidence of plagerism. The judge however tossed the suit over the transom.
The magistrate said that the physical differences were sufficiently unique, and some of the similar attributes--like the appearance of the fish, and the fact they both live in an anemonae--are based on nature. LaCalvez also had trouble with his proof of material theft. His books first hit the shelves in 2000, but Pixar was able to show that they were already deep into developement of their fish by that time--the film took over three years to create. The only solid defence the author had was that he had registered the character back in 1995, and had initially shopped the idea of his story to numerous production companies as a film idea, but after getting repeatedly shot down he turned Pierrot into a book character.
His claim was that Pixar picked up on the idea after he was turned down by those studios. In other words, with all of the creative advancements and the library of wildly inventive films Pixar had changed their methods and began combing through the discarded script bins at French film studios. That's something other companies are really known for trying.
The magistrate said that the physical differences were sufficiently unique, and some of the similar attributes--like the appearance of the fish, and the fact they both live in an anemonae--are based on nature. LaCalvez also had trouble with his proof of material theft. His books first hit the shelves in 2000, but Pixar was able to show that they were already deep into developement of their fish by that time--the film took over three years to create. The only solid defence the author had was that he had registered the character back in 1995, and had initially shopped the idea of his story to numerous production companies as a film idea, but after getting repeatedly shot down he turned Pierrot into a book character.
His claim was that Pixar picked up on the idea after he was turned down by those studios. In other words, with all of the creative advancements and the library of wildly inventive films Pixar had changed their methods and began combing through the discarded script bins at French film studios. That's something other companies are really known for trying.
17.3.04
Shamrock and Rye Roll
Depending on how Irish you are people will load up on the green in varying levels today--and the beer. There are plenty of cinematic options to help you celebrate this most ethnic of days, so if you are sitting and pondering which of the hundreds of Irish films you can shake a shillegah at I'll throw some ideas at you.
A solid choice would be "The Commitments" with a soundtrack and plenty of bar scenes, now on DVD.
You can have a stateside Irish-roots melodrama with "The Brothers McMullen".
If you need a Garafalo fix you can go with "The Matchmaker"--It is a sappy tale but they actually make it to Ireland and Dennis Leary is included.
If you want to see the Irish depected by a squat American and a statuesque Aussie you can of course take on "Far and Away". Laugh at Cruise in his bowler, but Nikkie Kidman looks rather fetching in more than a few scenes.
"The Secret of Roan Inish" is a sparkly emerald of a movie for leprechauns of all ages.
If you have a masochistic bent "Celtic Pride" is as painfully unfunny as a comedy as "Far and Away" is hilarious as a drama.
Myself? I'm torn between "Ned Kelly"--the 1970 version--with Jagger at times playing himself and a scared rock star who doesn't know how to behave in front of the camera. But I am sure I will opt for "The Crying Game". Great performances, but a word of caution: you may want to hold off on the corned beef until after the big reveal scene. You'll thank me.
A solid choice would be "The Commitments" with a soundtrack and plenty of bar scenes, now on DVD.
You can have a stateside Irish-roots melodrama with "The Brothers McMullen".
If you need a Garafalo fix you can go with "The Matchmaker"--It is a sappy tale but they actually make it to Ireland and Dennis Leary is included.
If you want to see the Irish depected by a squat American and a statuesque Aussie you can of course take on "Far and Away". Laugh at Cruise in his bowler, but Nikkie Kidman looks rather fetching in more than a few scenes.
"The Secret of Roan Inish" is a sparkly emerald of a movie for leprechauns of all ages.
If you have a masochistic bent "Celtic Pride" is as painfully unfunny as a comedy as "Far and Away" is hilarious as a drama.
Myself? I'm torn between "Ned Kelly"--the 1970 version--with Jagger at times playing himself and a scared rock star who doesn't know how to behave in front of the camera. But I am sure I will opt for "The Crying Game". Great performances, but a word of caution: you may want to hold off on the corned beef until after the big reveal scene. You'll thank me.
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