Please Shut Off Your Engine and Lift Your Skirt

What do the guys at Broken Lizard know that we don't? Following a lengthy investigation instigated by the Governor of Pennsylvania the State's highway patroll division report has come out with results detailing the numerous sexual shenanigans committed by the road officers over the span of a few years. Here's a list of some of the findings (Thanks out to JoeBob Briggs):

*One trooper defecating on another trooper at a party, with the same trooper sticking a carrot in his butt then eating it
*A trooper having sex with a drug dealer
*A trooper having sex with a woman in a patrol car
*A trooper shoving a girlfriend in the back and cutting her cheek
*A trooper having an affair with a married woman
*Three troopers having sex with a narcotics informant
*A trooper raping a woman at her home while on duty
*Two female cadets taking naked photos of another female cadet
*A trooper physically abusing his wife
*A trooper posing for naked photos at the 1999 Thunder in the Cascades bike rally
*A trooper having sex while working the midnight shift
*A trooper having sex with prostitutes employed by escort services
*Troopers watching porno tapes while on duty

I had it all wrong, "Super Troopers" wasn't funny, it was a documentary.

The good news is steps are being taken as the State takes a series of barn door closings with the bovines already running amok. They will "consider" setting up a hotline, and they will define what sexual misconduct is administratively. Ah, that explains the trooper sodomizing with vegetables--he was never trained that it was incorrect behavior while on the job.

As for the female cadets taking snapshots of other women on the force, they will be promoted with raises.