A Role Too Challenging for Vin Diesel

< "Someone convice Adam Sandler to take the part!"

< "Does his agent still get 10%?"

It is the kind of story that causes the purile responses to pile up. A British acting troupe has put the call out to cast an actor in a key role in an upcoming play. The stipulation: "Aspiring stars must agree to be dead by the time the show begins." You read that correctly, they are casting the role of a dead person to be played by a dead person. The play, seemingly titled by Yoda, is called "Dead: You Will Be" and calls for a corpse to be onstage for performances.

< "Hey, Costner got his start playing a corpse, and it was his best role to date."

< "As an added bonus the performer will be featured during the "In Memorium" segment at next year's Oscars."
(See what I mean?)

One of the directors noted that the body will play a crucial role and is not a publicity stunt, (perish the thought [pun intended]). The qualifying thespian will appear on stage for 24 performances of the stage play. My advice to prospective patrons is to get to any of the early shows, as the actor is likely to emote more with each performance...or at least emit.

< "Keanu Reeves will not be a cast member--he has already been out-acted by a dead body"
Mercifully the trenchant commentary will end now.